Sitting on my back porch yesterday evening, I was spending time with the Lord. I brought Him my heartbreak, although that word seems strong. Definitely not shattered (that took place months ago), maybe just grief and disappointment that the ending didn’t look different. Those emotions however were mixed with a touch of new freedom and relief. A freedom I literally prayed for (again) the day before and He had answered that same day. The Lord absolutely amazes me with the way he aligns events, people, and reveals things in His timing. It doesn’t mean seeing Him in circumstances makes the revelations easy to process. Time is needed. Reflecting over the last almost 4 years, feeling a piece of that had been stripped away. Asking the Lord to guide my thoughts, my processing, my memories…this beautiful melody entered my mind… ”all is stripped away, and I simply come”. I paused there. It’s literally what I was doing AND feeling. In reflection I was left with beautiful moments that Jesus was in, including the painful ones. He was leading, disciplining, teaching, growing my heart and inviting me to love and trust the entire time. There was peace in knowing He had given an assignment and was with me through the completion of it, even the "back page" (a reference from a perfectly timed message that same Sunday). I continued in the song laid on my heart… “Longing just to bring, something that’s of worth that will bless your heart. You search much deeper within, than the way things appear, You’re looking into my heart…” Then the chorus. “I’m coming back to the heart of worship, and it’s all about you, it’s all about you Jesus…” Take time to listen to Brandon Lake's version here. 

The above image came to mind in reflection and it’s the one I want to encourage you with today. It’s an image I captured almost a decade ago. I was surviving an unhealthy marriage at the time and I felt every bit of the ravaged cotton field. Harvested, used up, nothing beautiful left, the splendor of a pure white field was gone. “So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the Lord.” - Lamentations 3:18. It’s the verse I quoted when I posted it years ago and I felt some of that now once again. In just a few verses following however the most beautiful hope filled scriptures exist. The hope filled lines don’t have a time frame for changing circumstances but they do carry a beautiful daily promise. “Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning, great is your faithfulness.” (Lam 3:19-23) The word used for love is hesed. It’s probably one of my most favorite words in scripture. I’ve written about it multiple times before. 

Your Father in heaven loves you. It is a faithful and enduring love. He is your “portion” (Lam 3:24). You can say with confidence “I will hope in Him.” even in the moments where your splendor is gone and your heart feels ravaged, you can still hope in Him. The splendorless moments are so real; just as Lamentations 3 describes. But all of Lamentations 3 is so real. “Sit alone in silence” “wait quietly” knowing “the Lord is good to those who wait for Him”. “Because of His love and mercy”, the seasons of excavation and removal of what once was so beautiful is only a season. You will not be consumed. In the grief, He will have compassion according to the abundance of His steadfast love (Lam 3:32). Abundance of His steadfast love. Such a beautiful phrase to hold onto tightly with your aching heart. (Lam 3)

I read earlier this week a beautiful quote. “In the fruit of the Spirit is the seed of the Spirit, so when you bear the fruit of love, the love which you bear contains the seed of another generation of love, the seed to generate love in others…” - from Sapphires 10/10. Nothing we walk through is in vain. If you carry the Spirit with you, and invite Him into wherever you go, fruit WILL BE produced and seeds scattered as it is taken by others. In our weakness He is strong (2 Cor 12:9). It isn’t dependent on us. We just have to go where He leads. Let Him be your strength. Invite Him into the darkest places of your heart and mind. In the seasons where the “beauty fades, and all is stripped away” (Heart of Worship) He invites you to simply come. All who are weary and heavy laden. He will give rest. (Matt 11:28-30) He will gently lead you back to the heart of worship. Your heart will again overflow with the beauty He pours in. 

That is exactly where I was led on my back porch as I brought Him my vulnerable heart. Worship. Does it always happen when I bring Him what is on my mind? Honestly no. It isn’t a feel good formula. I'm not always willing to invest the time to truly bring Him my whole heart or be completely vulnerable. But don’t let that keep you from spending the time with Him again and again. He will show you what He has for you in that moment. He can handle your emotions. He can even handle your rejections. Let Him lead. He is the good shepherd (John 10:11). He doesn’t run away. He isn’t a temporary hired hand (John 10:12-13). I can promise you, He loves you with a steadfast love and it endures forever (Psalm 136). 

Look for Him daily….

With the day before on my heart I decided to go for a run. I use the term "run" loosely, I’m talking an 11 minute mile lol. As I pulled into the parking lot, an FJ40 greeted me. My dream car. The owner was walking up. I spoke with him a little bit. Made me smile. Headphones in, heart of worship playing, and doing just that, worshiping. Mile 2 I notice an elderly lady sitting on a park bench reading. I glance to see her reading “Daily Bread”. “Daily Bread” is the title of a daily Bible study app I’ll read on occasion. I hadn’t read this mornings but knew it was next on the agenda after my run. I also felt compelled to run a different route. A single bloom left on a hydrangea bush in the woods caught my attention. The last of my hydrangea blooms were thrown out earlier in the week. Just a little God wink, they are my favorite. I stopped quickly and snapped a photo with my phone. I get in my car after my run and read Daily Bread. 1 Chronicles 16:34. “Give thanks to Lord for He is good; His love endures forever.” I smiled. For anyone who knows me that is my battle cry. 2 Chronicles 20:1-30. And those words will continue to win the war. Every time we can stop, breathe, and get to a place where we can truly give thanks and KNOW that His love endures forever, we will walk in victory. A ravaged cotton field then becomes a place of rest inhabited by Him. A time of preparing the soil once again, and a place where so much hope exists for a new season of beauty. He won’t leave you. He’s inviting you to let go, lament even, and rest. Trust Him. His love is never put to shame (Romans 5:1-5). The barren will become beautiful once again (Isaiah 35).

THIS...11/11/25. Almost a month after writing the above and reflecting on the cotton field. Great is His faithfulness. Look at this cotton field!!!!!!! "Abundance of His steadfast love!!" Crimson over white as snow!! Northern lights in ALABAMA over a FULL field of cotton!!!! So beautiful!!!

We almost missed this cotton field. A friend and I were chasing the northern lights when we saw headlights on the dirt road we were on. Us two girls jumped in the car and drove straight instead of turning around like planned lol. The field that met us was beautiful!!! And then this precious little church sign as we got back on the main county road. He's so good. His love endures forever!!